[birth order]
is it really that important?
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When I tell people that I am the middle child, looks of pity usually follow. I understand why this is---many individuals buy into the theory that the middle child is ignored, the oldest is the leader and the youngest is spoiled. We all have heard it, but the question is, is it true?
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According to famous Austrian psychotherapist Alfred Adler, birth order can mold a child’s personality and view of themselves, but to what extent is different from family to family. Below, find some general notes from Alder’s birth order characteristics:
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Oldest Child: May feel that power is his right. Sometimes becomes authoritarian to other members of the family. Can turn to the father as a source of comfort when another sibling enters the family.
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Middle Child: May be even-tempered and complacent. Can sometimes have a hard time finding “their place” in the family.
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Youngest Child: Frequently spoiled in many families, the youngest child may also feel like they have several mothers and fathers with siblings taking on an authoritative role. The youngest may have a habit of making grand plans that never pan out.
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Twin Child: One is usually stronger and more active than the other. Each child can suffer with identity problems.
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In addition to observations on birth order, Alder also commented on patterns he saw in regards to gender and families.
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Only Boy Among Girls: May try to prove he is the man of the family.
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Only Girl Among Boys: Varies between becoming overly feminine because of her singular status in the family or can become tom-boyish trying to fit in with her boy siblings.
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Obviously, these are general trends, not rules. There are several “what ifs” that have not been explored here. But, birth order defining character is still an interesting idea that is helpful to keep in mind when raising a child. Any negative effects and stereotyping of birth order may be countered by a parent with such awareness. For my family, Alder’s theory was only 1 in 3 correct---and for the record, I’m the leader.